My family is amazing. They all pulled together and flew me out to be with family in Colorado and away from my downward spiral routine. I am grateful for this opportunity to dry out and change my life for the better. I'm three days clean and already feel better about everything. My girl, Jacqueline, is back in Fresno waiting and praying for me. Her support throughout all of this has been second to none. I can't wait to see her again. For now, I'm off to a Rockies baseball game down the street.… Continue

Today, I am meeting with a doctor who will evaluate my condition and need for treatment. I am looking forward to talking with a professional about what I've done to myself and what I need to do to heal. Being as open as I can about my addiction is the only way I've been able to come this far. I am hopeful and grateful for today. Oh, Cynthia, I will put "Ain't No Sunshine" up as soon as possible. Thank you for all of your support.

tomorrow is a big day
my mom will be sitting down with my brother
one on one.

will he speak?

please please tell her the things you have told me
she WILL understand.

will she alientate him?

please please BE understanding.



the anticipation and stress and curiosity are all killing me.

my mother and i are trying
to break through
this wall built up.

all i want and all i need is for him to say "help"

Oh, sketchy lady
pushing shopping cart half full,
dirty bright smile
need your meth to keep your cool?

Would she show me the ropes
if I'm ever in need?
Would she help me to cope
if i used more than just weed?

My spare change is for you
oh skethchy lady so high.
But do not "god bless me"
for that is a sober's lie.

One of the things a wife has to accept. The battle is never over. Some lose the battle while others lose thier marriage. Their dad, their friend. Meth takes down so much. It never leaves, even after it leaves... I hate you meth. I never have hated much in life except for lima beans, but METH, I hate you.

HI DAD! HERE IS A PICTURE OF ME. I WAS ON MY SCOOTER, GETTING READY TO RIDE IT TO MY FIRST DAY OF THIRD GRADE. I AM 8 NOW. I AM GETTING SO BIG, MOM SAID I LOOK A LOT LIKE YOU. WHERE YOU BEEN ANYWAY? OH YA, IN PRISON? WELL, I DECIDED THAT I ...DON'T WANT TO GROW UP AND GO TO JAIL LIKE YOU. I AM NOT GOING TO DO DRUGS. I AM GOING TO GO TO SCHOOL AND I AM NEVER GOING TO LET CRYSTAL METH… Continue

Dear Crystal,
You messed up my life and my dad's life.
I haven't had one Chistmas with him since I was two.
I am eleven now.
I hate you. My dad has been in prison and jail because of you.
From Megan

June 21st

2:00 pm in the amputheatre.

Hope you all come!!!!!!

This is good news in my book.

http://www.fresnobee.com/2010/08/05/2030936/man-arrested-in-fresno-meth-sale.html

FRESNO, Calif. (KFSN) -- Merced police are dealing with what they're calling a first of its kind case in the city. A couple has been arrested after their 10-month old baby boy was found to be under the influence of methamphetamine.





Police say the baby may have been contaminated by inhaling second hand smoke.



Margarita Reyes of Merced rushed her ten month old baby boy to the Mercy Hospital Emergency Room early Sunday morning.



Merced police say Reyes told… Continue

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The Crystal Show is getting ready for something big, we are in the planning stages of our assembly tours. If you wish to participate, please contact me. We meet on Tuesday evenings. Thank you.

i am thankful for the peaceful weekend, though my nerves are still shot. tomorrow he reports to parole, so i am not as scared, hope he did not use. hope he is ok. why do i worry about him, i don't know, maybe because i am a child of god. i love everyone, even the man i married, had two kids with, slept in the arms of for many years, cooked for, laughed with, collected antiques, cars and dolls with, drove trucks with, went to the beach with, fished with, bought grocerys with, fought with, prayed… Continue

IN FIVE DAYS







IN FIVE DAYS MY WHOLE WORLD CHANGES AGAIN. I CAN FEEL THE TENSION BUILDING EACH DAY IN ME AND THE KIDS. EVEN THE DOGS SEEM MORE NERVOUS. I COULDN'T SLEEP LAST NIGHT. EVERY NOISE I HEARD, I WONDERED, IS IT HIM? DID THEY LET HIM OUT A FEW DAYS EARLY?



I HAVE BEEN RACING AROUND THESE LAST FEW MONTHS, DOING FINAL TOUCHES TO MY LIFE, GOING OVER EVERY DETAIL SO CAREFULLY. MAKING SURE THAT MY CLOTHES ARE ALL CONSERVATIVE ENOUGH, THAT I AM NOT SHOWING ANY… Continue

trying to help him seems to make him want to draw away from me.

he says "you gotta big mouth, and i never want to talk with you about any of this again"

he doesnt understand the sores on his face and sunkin eyes give him away





his crutch....our father... his dealer - makes it worse

by laughing in my face for our attempts.



but yes, mom and her boyfriend have given up and refuse to visit the (not so) "seceret tweaker pad"



i feel alone in this-… Continue

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Hello anyone who might be reading this. I never thought I could make it this long, yet here I am. Clean living has it's perks, I must say. Let's see...no intense paranoia believing that the entire world has somehow joined and are planning my demise; no outrageous monetary expenditure; actually remembering where all my money goes; socializing; normal sexual appetite; not looking like Skeletor (my bandmates used to call me that when I was using); regaining a feeling of integrity; getting up in… Continue

The days keep passing and I am feeling better with each one. I've decided to stay out in Colorado longer than originally planned. This place is saving my life. I just might start a new one out here. Away from the pattern back home. Though I miss family and friends in my hometown, I need to remain distance from the same old, same old. I think after a year or so I might be able to live there once again...well see. Crystal Meth is everywhere...everywhere. Not just in our little capital. I've… Continue

still young

though mature

yet childlike

unsure

so quiet

no room

relentless

and angry

forgiving

so used

preachers

teachers

the lawyers

the law

the druggy calls

the drunk

me

spunk

don't leave me

I cried

no sleep

just refuge

though nothing is foreign

clothes torn

my soul worn

the light must stay on

the monsters

and demons

stay closely

and intense

the… Continue